Member-only story
The Mince Pie Massacre
An Allegory for Christmas 2023
It was the night before Christmas Eve and he was buying a few things to tide himself over the days of Christmas. These were mainly staple food items like bread and butter but he was also looking for simple treats like mince pies for which he’d always had a predelection especially when accompanied by brandy butter.
Mince pies were now in short supply but he managed to find 2 boxes which he placed in his basket and thought nothing more of until he was home. There he went to open one box only to realise he’d bought iced mince pies — mince pies with fondant icing on top. It was pretty clear from the box that these were iced but sometimes clues are hidden in plain sight. Nevertheless he proceeded to tuck into two of the pies only to face hours of regret, being satiated with sugar and left with a lingering and sickly taste of fondant icing.
Content warning: innocent mince pies were harmed in this story
Following advice from a friend it seemed the only remedy was to remove the icing lid of the remaining pies and so he set about the task, sawing off the tops of the pies with a serrated knife. Having completed the operation on pies from the open box he proceeded to decapitate the pies in the second box only to realise, once two pies were lidless, that his oversight…
